30 Day Blog Challenge ~ June ~ Day 10 through 15

Day 10 ~ Discuss your first love and your first kiss.
He was everything I’d ever wanted in a significant other – caring, passionate, funny.  Handsome.  Spontaneous.  Someone I felt comfortable around.  Someone I felt safe with.  And I still feel that way about him today, even after almost two years together.  And in those two years, I’ve found myself falling in love with him, every day, for new reasons.  How excited he gets when he watches the conferences for Apple.  How much he loves our children and how much enjoyment he gets out of playing with them and seeing them happy.  As for our first kiss, haha!  I tried to dodge his kisses because I was nervous and I was afraid I wouldn’t be a good kisser.  But before he went to his class that morning, we stopped by the doors and he kissed me.  And it was everything a first kiss with someone should be.  Sparks.  Heart pounding.  Shaking.  Nervous as hell.  It was then that I knew – even though we had just met earlier that morning and weren’t an exclusive couple – I knew I could fall in love with him and spend the rest of my life with him.  And I’ve done just that.  💕

Day 11 ~ Put your iPod on shuffle and write ten songs that pop up.
01. Kiss Me by Ed Sheeran (album: +)
02. Alive by One Direction (album: Midnight Memories)
03. Just One Yesterday by Fall Out Boy featuring Foxes (album: Save Rock and Roll)
04. Waiting for Superman by Daughtry (album: baptized)
05. Walk of Shame by P!nk (album: Truth About Love)
06: Country Girl (Shake It For Me) by Luke Bryan (album: Tailgates and Tanlines)
07: Good Old Boy, Bad Old Boyfriend by Blake Shelton (album: Blake Shelton’s Bar & Grill)
08: Just Give Me a Reason by P!nk featuring Nate Ruess (album: The Truth About Love)
09: It Makes Me Ill by *NSYNC (album: No Strings Attached)
10: Just Like a Pill by P!nk (album: Missundaztood)

Day 12 ~ Bullet your whole day.

  • Finish laundry
  • Take out the trash/recycling
  • Go to the library
  • Take a shower
  • Straighten the basement
  • Put Audrina’s birthday gifts away

My day is actually going to be really really boring, and I’m not doing anything out of the ordinary. Except going to the library. We haven’t done that in a while.

Day 13 ~ Somewhere you’d like to move or visit.


I’ve posted about this before, but the one place on the top of my list of places to visit is Ireland. 🇮🇪 I have a serious love of the landscape (even though I’ve only seen pictures), and I love the thought of being immersed in Irish culture. I’m part Irish so maybe that helps. I can’t say that I’ll ever actually make it to witness the rolling green hills of Ireland, but it’s definitely a dream.

Day 14 ~ Your earliest memory
Not the greatest prompt for someone like me who has unintentionally blocked out a vast majority of my life. I’m not good with memories. For the last few years my memories have been coming to me in pieces. I randomly remember things that don’t seem relevant but they suddenly become a small piece in a larger puzzle. It’s complicated.

The memories that always stay with me, and that have seemingly not faded over the years, are the ones of my Nanny sitting in the stands at my softball games, relentlessly cheering me on. Chanting the silly cheers we chanted sitting on the bench as our team mates were up to bat. Hollering at the umpire if she didn’t agree with a call he made. Even those memories are pieces of larger memories, but they’ve never disappeared. They’ve never been blocked out. They’ve always stayed fresh, pushing me and motivating me, reminding me that even now I have someone in my corner.

Day 15 ~ Favorite Tumblrs
I’m starting to see that this was probably a blog challenge meant for Tumblr.  But that’s okay – I can still mention a few of my favorite Tumblr pages.  Let’s see…

  • ptsdconfessions
  • paperandcaffeine
  • rainydayscoffeeandbooks
  • hayley-studies
  • briellestudies

 

 

30 Day Blog Challenge ~ June ~ Day 1 through 9

When I started this blog, I knew the chances of me keeping up with it during the school semesters were slim to none – and that’s exactly what happened.  But I’m on summer break now and I hosted Audrina’s 8th birthday bash on Monday (6.13) so I have a little down time.  Two weeks into the month, but I’m going to start a blog challenge.  *Shrugs*  Why not?  The babes are playing with some of Audrina’s new toys so they’re nicely entertained.  So let’s go!

Day 1 ~ Your current relationship (if single discuss how single life is)
If y’all have been reading any of my earlier posts, you know that I’m happily taken.  I’ve been with Chris for one year & nine months, and they’ve been the happiest times of my life.  We’ve had our ups and downs – what couple doesn’t, honestly? – but we’ve always come out stronger than before and knowing, more than ever before, that we want to spend the rest of our lives together.  When Chris came into my life, I was fooling around on an online dating site without much hope of finding something that was serious and that would last; now, a year & nine months later, I couldn’t be happier that I sent him that first message.  I’m not really sure if I answered that prompt….

Day 2 ~ Where you’d like to be in ten years
Let’s see.  Ten years…I’ll be 34.  Goodness.  I’ll be old.  Ideally, I’d like to be finished with my degrees – my Masters and my Doctorate – and looking for (or already having) a job as a college professor.  I’d like to have another baby – maybe a little girl – with Chris, and definitely married by then.  Haha.

Day 3 ~ Your views on drugs and alcohol
Hmm.  This should be interesting.  I don’t have a lot of experience withe either, and my thoughts on them are kind of vague.  The only experience I have with drugs is my last semester at HACC I had some cannabis candy.  It didn’t really have an effect on me – I just giggled a lot.  I honestly believe that marijuana should be legalized across the nation because the risks of using the drug are small.  It’s not addictive and it would take a lot to overdose.  I also think if it’s legalized than our prisons will empty out and make room for serious criminals.  My experience with alcohol isn’t as limited, but I haven’t drank a lot either.  I never drank underage.  My first drink was a horrible, rubbing alcohol tasting drink at midnight on my 21st birthday, and I haven’t drank a lot since.  The first time I got drunk and had a hangover the next morning was New Years two years ago; that was the first time I really got drunk.  Other than that, I’ve only had a taste of wine or a glass of Kahlúa on sporadic occasions (but no lie – I had a tall glass of Kahlúa after Audrina’s birthday party on Monday).  As far as my thoughts on alcohol, I’m not really sure.  Obviously, it’s addictive and so it’s best to portion the amount you consume.  But do I think it’s bad?  Not necessarily.  Only if it’s consumed in extreme amounts at a time.  And I don’t think children should have alcohol, but I’m also not opposed to letting a sixteen-year-old taste it if they’re in the safety of their own home.  #HatersGonnaHate

Day 4 ~ Your views on religion
Agnostic – one who believes that nothing is or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; one who claims neither a belief nor disbelief in God.

Day 5 ~ A time you thought about ending your own life
This, unfortunately, has been a thought I’ve had more times than I’d ever like to admit.  But let’s see…one time.  I was a sophomore in high school.  I was dealing with a lot of shit at home, and I was stressing about school (even though it was early in the school year).  Then, to top it all off, I learned I was pregnant.  Fifteen-years-old and pregnant.  I seriously considered ending my life, and I went so far as to write notes to my family and my closest friends.  Though my life still goes through more ups and downs than a roller coaster, I couldn’t be happier that I chose to forfeit my plans to kill myself and my unborn child; I love Audrina more than words, and I’m beginning to find beauty and stability in my life.

Day 6 ~ Write 30 interesting facts about yourself.
Oh.  My.  Gosh.  I don’t think I can pull out thirty things about myself.  And interesting? I’m not an interesting person!  Not to mention that I’ve done at least one of these things for each month I’ve done a challenge.  So, despite the fact that it’s part of the challenge, I’m skipping this question.  If you’re interested in knowing more about me, you can find lists of facts about me throughout my blog posts.

Day 7 ~ Your zodiac sign and if you think it fits your personality.
My zodiac sign is Aries; the typical traits associated with an Aries are: courageous, determined, confident, enthusiastic, optimistic, honest, passionate; impatient, moody, short-tempered, impulsive, and aggressive.  According to most things, an Aries likes comfortable clothes, taking on leadership roles, physical challenges, individual sports, and an Aries dislikes inactivity, delays, and work that does not use one’s talents.  Now.  Do I think this fits my personality?  For the most part – definitely.  The only thing that doesn’t fit my personality is the bit about individual sports.  I played softball for 14 years and I was part of the color guard/marching band for 7 years.  Those are team sports, and I loved them unconditionally.

Day 8 ~ A moment you felt the most satisfied with you life
Interestingly enough, this moment just occurred a few hours ago.  I was talking to Audrina about her birthday party and about how she felt about it.  She told me she had a lot of fun and she wants another party like that next year.  When she went upstairs to make herself some popcorn, I started thinking about where I am right now.  I’m 24-years-old.  I have two beautiful children, and I’ve found the true love of my life.  I have an amazing, close-knit family and the bond I have with my sister is indescribable.  I’m six months away from completing my undergrad career, and I have a solid end game for myself.  Yes, I need to start taking my medication again.  And yes I’m terrible at managing my stress and coping with things.  But I’m happy, and I haven’t felt happiness like this in such a long time.

Day 9 ~ How you hope your future will be
Not much different than the answer I gave for how I want my life to be in ten years.  Teaching.  Taking care of my family.  Married to the love of my life.  Not living in his mom’s basement.

Scattered Thought #28 • Surviving

I got a stroke of inspiration a few weeks ago while I was sitting in my Holocaust Studies course (which sounds horrible), and I decided to jot down my inspiration in the form of a super short prompt.  Since this is a giant brain dump site, I figured it couldn’t hurt to post it here.  So here y’all go!
———————-

He leisurely dragged his index finger along the young girl’s back, her paper skin exposing the bumps and crevices of her spine. She shivered as a winter breeze blew through the chamber; she held her body rigid so he wouldn’t see her weakness. A smirk slipped across his face, and he lowered his gaze, raking his eyes down her thin legs and undefined calves. His smile faltered – how could she continue if her legs were barely strong enough to support the weight of their owner?

He straightened, brushing unseen dirt from the lapel of his brown shirt. He strolled around the young girl, watching her chest pause as he raised her left arm. It quivered, and he watched as she struggled to keep it from falling back to her side. He moved in front of her, brining his hand under right arm and rising it. She grimaced, her arms shaking as she willed them not to fall. His eyes remained locked on her face, watching her struggle. After a minute, her arms fell. He shook his head.

“Please,” she whispered. “Please let me stay.”

He ignored her, bringing two fingers to her skeletal wrist. He held them there for a few seconds, registering the faint pulse beneath his fingertips. He dropped her arm again and focused his attention on her emaciated form. Her skin, covered with dirt and bruises, stretched over her bones. He ran his fingers along her torso, counting each protruding rib as his fingers brushed over them.

His frown depend as he lowered his gaze to examine her. He slapped her inner thigh and a quiet sob escaped her. She squeezed her thighs tighter together, despite the demands to spread her legs. She held back tears, fearing her fate if she were to cry yet knowing her fate was already sealed.

He slapped her thigh again, harder this time. Tired from standing and being examined, she shifted her feet apart. She held her breath, a warm liquid streaking her legs. He scoffed, his face distorted with disgust as her inner thighs stained red; he straightened and turned his back to her.

He spoke to the few men standing a few feet away, shaking his head. She couldn’t understand them – they were whispered in German and she’d never known German.
But sh didn’t need to understand them. She didn’t need to know what they were saying. All she had to do was watch his hands. His hands would decide if she would stay in the labor camp and live just a little longer or if she would meet the same fate her mother and young brother had met when they arrived in Auschwitz.

Scattered Thought #27 • Don’t You Dare

Don’t you dare tell me I’m beautiful
Until you’ve seen my scars
That carve my body
And the blood
That pours out of my soul.

Don’t you dare tell me I’m lovely
Until I completely shut you out
Because I swore to myself
You’re just like the rest
And you’ll get sick of me.

Don’t you dare tell me I’m flawless
Until you’ve seen me break down in tears
I’ll show you the darkness
That consumes me
And you’ll run away.

But if you
Have seen my scars
Bitterness
And darkness
Then perhaps I’ll believe you.

Scattered Thought #26 • A Little Bit of Time

Started keeping up my personal, old-fashioned, pen-and-paper journal again.  While I truly enjoy having this blog and being able to journal through it, it’s nice to have a journal I can carry with me and write in at a moment’s notice.

Okay.  Well, I guess WordPress does have a mobile app.  But it isn’t the same thing.  I’ve always been more of a pencil-paper person – I like having my academic notes and essay plans hand-written – and having a moleskin journal (one of my first gifts from Chris) makes me feel great.  It feels good to start journaling again.

The only problem wth journaling – and with blogging, I suppose – is that it makes me think. A lot.  And I guess that’s the whole point of writing, journaling, blogging – to make the writer think.  To make them feel.  And that’s all sorts of great, but sometimes all the thinking gets me feeling down.  Take the other night.  I decided journaling before the new year would be beneficial.  A way to think about what I wanted the new year to be, how I wanted to take 2016 on.

And I started thinking about who I am.  Like, seriously?  Who the fuck am I?  Since my sister was born, I became mom.  I was eight years old, and I took care of my sister.  Then when I was sixteen, I had Audrina.  Seven years later, ta-da.  Now we have Landon.  So, for the last fifteen years (because that’s how old Kelleigh is) I’ve been mom.  And, on top of that, I’ve been student.  What am I beyond that?  WHO am I beyond that?

I haven’t a fucking clue.

And that’s a problem for me.

I need to know who I am.

So that’s what I’ve decided to make 2016.  A journey to discovering who I am – who I really am.  It’s the second day of the month, and I can’t say that I’ve made any progress.  But I suppose I can’t expect something like this to happen over night.  Right?

Scattered Thought #25 • Blessings in Disguise

So I haven’t had the opportunity – or the motivation – to blog in…forever.  I feel bad having slacked so much, but things have been crazy hectic and chaotic.  Have I even had the chance to update everyone here about all that?  No?  I didn’t think so.

Monday, October 26th: At 9:06A I had the privilege of bringing Mr. Landon Douglas into the world.  He was one week early, but that was because I had been in early labor for about a week.  😫 Everything went smoothly, and despite my plan to avoid the epidural, the contractions were too much; way worse than they were when I delivered my daughter.  But it was all worth it when I got to hold my little man in my arms for the first time.  And Chris cried when he was born which made me feel… I don’t know.  I had mixed emotions, but I was so glad I was sharing that experience with him.

Yesterday was Landon’s two month birthday, and he has gotten so big!  It’s insane (I don’t remember much about Audrina’s first few months) how much he’s grown in just two months.  He’s almost doubled his body weight – which I definitely expected – and he’s two inches longer than when hew as born.  He’s holding his head up and sleeping through the night for the most part.  Audrina is an absolute dream with her little brother and I’m so glad she’s able to help out and have fun with him.

Landon was born seven weeks before the end of the fall semester, but I was still able to pull it off and finish it.  It was definitely tough, but I dragged my ass to campus with Chris and got all my work done.  On top of that, I managed to land straight A’s.  🎉  I would by lying if I said it was easy because it definitely wasn’t.  Especially since I still had to take care of Audrina and make sure she was taken care of and happy.  Difficult, but completely worth it.

I’ve been on winter break and it’s been pretty tough.  Chris and I have had more downs than we have ups, and I think I can pin a lot of the b;are on all the stress we’ve been under.  He and I have been through a lot in the last year.  And though I don’t regret anything that has happened, I feel like a majority of our relationship has been really rushed.

September (11th) 2014 – started dating
December (25th) 2014 – Audrina & I moved in (Chris & I had been dating 4 months)
January 2015 – I got pregnant (Relationship was just shy of 5 months)

We found out I was pregnant in March and after we told his mom we started moving stuff around – the basement got cleaned out and got new carpet, Chris and I moved to the basement, Audrina’s room got moved to Chris’ old room, and her old room became Landon’s nursery.  And honestly, things still aren’t organized.  We’re working on getting it that way – hopefully it all gets settled and routined before the new year starts.

Hmm…what else has happened?  Oh!  I lost my job.  😑 I thought everything was squared away for me to start a 5A to 8A shift at the store Monday through Friday and take the weekends off so Chris and I could have classes and he would work weekends so I was with the kids.  I called my managers when I had Landon, and I had told them before that when I intended on coming back.  But I was still terminated and deemed un-rehirable.  So here I am.  Jobless.  Again.  And it pisses me off to no end.  But that’s  where I am.

The  spring semester starts on January 11th.  I’m excited.  Chris and I worked our schedules out to accommodate Landon and Audrina (though she’ll be in school), and Chris graduates in May! 🎉  Things are kind of all over the place, but I’m happy.

30 Day Study Challenge •• Day #2 •• Space to Create

•• #2 •• A photo of your study space  

Extremely messy. Extremely unorganized. I’m in the final weeks of this semester & have more final projects than I can keep up with. I’ve been fighting to finish all of them because I constantly find myself lacking motivation & the ability to focus. I’ve been up until 1A the last two nights with the sole intent to complete at least one project. And I have failed both times. 

I seriously need to get cracking. Or else I’m going to crack.